I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
