Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
