I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
