So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im holly from the hills drunk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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