We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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