brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
