You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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