Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
