peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
