Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
