I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
