Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she woke up with a sticky ear
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
