Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
