so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
