I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
