Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
