Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
