i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
