Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
