hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
