woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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