I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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