sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
