I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
