Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
