Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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