God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
