the condom got lost in my hair
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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