You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
