Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
