I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
