I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
