He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
