I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
