i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
