I am spending my child support on dildos
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
