just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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