I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
