Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
