I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Pants are for mortals
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
