I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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