he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
