I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
