We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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