Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
