roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
