Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
