If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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