If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
