Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She's not a foreskin expert like you
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
