Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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