If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
