You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
