they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
