I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
