just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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