i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
