his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
