ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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