He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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