just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
