dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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