If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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